Grumbling, Mumbling and Stumbling

Lately, I've been going through an enormous mental trial that has kept me up at night and sometimes stops me in my daily housekeeping tracks. It's been an interesting exercise that has caused me to question some core issues in my life. Like, do I truly believe the whole bible to be true or am I still taking a Hometown Buffet approach to the word of God. I profess that I'm a true believe and follower of Christ (Romans 10:9.) I profess that I believe in the authority of Jesus as ruling over all, seen and unseen (Matthew 28:18.) I profess that I believe the inerrancy and authority of scripture (II Timothy 3:16.) But are my thoughts and intentions following suit or am I being a hypocrite (Mark 7:6)?

Enter, this mental trial. By the grace of God, it has clearly shown me what a low view of scripture I really have. It has shown me the great lengths that I will go to either skirt issues in my own personal thought, prayer or deeds life; or the layers of justifying that I will do to prove my case worthy of unrepentance. This has been my mode for the past few weeks.

Now, I want to be clear that this trial has not, as of yet, taken the form of sin in-and-of-itself. It has not morphed into a private sin of which needs confession. It has, however, flushed out some really ugly, miry clay stuff that I didn't realize existed. All kinds of muck has surfaced as a dirty result of the mental gymnastics happening in my head.

One such grotesque reaction has been complaining. Now those who know me know that I am prone to complaining. In my natural state, I actually enjoy it. There's something so releasing about complaining. There are a few angles, as I see it.

First, it makes me feel like a martyr. Complaining gives me that Joan-of-Arc, poor-me surge that fuels the pity party and everyone's invited--as long as I remain the star martyr.

Complaining also gives me a platform to which I can espouse many of my reasons (in full detail) of what in the world is wrong with this person or circumstance, and poor martyr me has to fix it.

Superiority. Complaining about something always gives me a sense of superiority. As long as I complain about the situation, then it feels as if I have a firm grasp of what's going on; or at least can assess a situation enough to have an opinion on it--even if it is totally off-based or worse yet, misinformed. Also, I feel a sort of rising in my status because complaining allows me to place the situation at my footstool. Only those who truly complain about a situation can really be superior to the situation. Blah!

Do you know people like this? Well, if you know me, then you can say yes to that last question. What's worse is the way I go about it.

I can hide my complaining in a number of different forms. Here's just a few:

1) Prayer request (Hey! Somebody's gotta pray for these low cards I've been dealt.)
2) Storytelling (Just telling a riveting story about how bad my life is.)
3) Suggestion Box (Let me tell you how to do things better by telling you what's wrong and what I don't like about something.)

Okay...what's the remedy? Well, let's get back to the word of God. Grumbling and complaining is simply a low view of God. It says, "I don't like this or that about my life and I've decided to 'voice' it." It doesn't have to be verbal or audible...some of my best complaining goes on in my head. The word of God says this, "Do all things without grumbling or disputing so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation among who you appear as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I will have reason to glory because I did not run in vain nor toil in vain." Philippians 2:14-16. My weak understanding of this passage is that the word "disputing" is actually an internal dialogue in your head. Internal complaining is one of my greatest strengths--or greatest weaknesses--depending on your angle.

So while there are many times that I can practice self-control in an audible way regarding complaining; internally, I am a web of grumbling deceit. My low view of God and His scriptures is the cause and the only way to combat such an internal struggle is with the sword of the Spirit.

In Philippians, God commands that we do all things without complaining. Why? So that we will be proven to be blameless and innocent. Do you know that we ruin and dishonor our testimony when we complain...especially in front of the world? We are to appear as lights, but with a grumbling tongue, we are not only light-less, but we have officially dishonored the word of God with our mouths. Our mouths can either display God's light and glory or displays a discontentment with God that leads to the "crooked and perverse generation" thinking only one thought--a low view of God and the scripture. But it starts with the internal war raging in my mind.

So I am resolved. While the battle rages on in my brain, I will fight wearing the entire armor of God (Ephesians 6:14-17) that starts with my thought life. By His grace, I will change my action and reaction to people and circumstances that does not include grumbling and complaining about where my Savior is leading me. And while He is leading, I have to stop this stumbling around in the complaining darkness. My focus must change; my view must be raised; the darkness must become light.

We all know people who outwardly complain, but I would guess there are far greater minions like myself. Those who outwardly practice self-control, but inwardly are wind-up complaining machines. The bible has a name for us--"hypocrites."

So, once again, I praise God for this mental trial that I know will be settled soon because decisions need to be made within a deadline. But until this trial is settled, there is much to be learned. God, in His everlasting and boundless kindness, has shown His detailed care for me by no longer allowing me to suppress a grumbling spirit, but leads me through a sanctifying trial to root out not just a grumbling tongue, but more importantly, a grumbling conscience.