Little Bundles of Depravity

Okay. So I can't take the credit for that. A beloved church member said that, but I thought it was completely appropriate--and more importantly--scriptural. I've wrestled with this gnawing in my gut for the last couple of years. My children are not saved. They are bundles of depravity sent by a loving, heavenly Father for me to train in the fear and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4) But the fact still remains that they are sinners in need of a Savior and because of that, their words and actions (though sometimes so stinkin' cute) come from a depraved heart and soul. Their thoughts and intentions are daily about manipulation, rebellion, selfishness and evil--and those are on the good days. Don't believe me? Look up Genesis 6:5, Jeremiah 17:9. No matter how cute, nice, smart, good, generous, etc. that they appear--I must always keep in mind that until they are regenerated (Lord-willing), it is of no eternal value. So what, you ask? Well, I'm always interested in finding how God's glory is displayed in situations where there seems to be little, if at all, opportunity for a glory showcase (e.g. those not elect living their lives here on earth in unelect fashion). I realize that in the overall, umbrella of the course of time, God's glory will be known throughout, but until then, I know that as a desiring T2W, I want to set my mind toward finding and publicly sharing praise and thankfulness to God in seemingly godless situations and find where God's glory will fit, especially in my own home. If my little darlings, by God's mercy, become born again by the Spirit (i.e. regenerated) then woot, woot (in the words of dear FB friends.) I need not go on. But admittedly so, I have wrestled with the fact that what if they are never regenerated. If you have wrestled with the same, please read on.

Here are my chewed-over thoughts.

As someone who has come to see the true value, treasure and biblical accuracy in election, I have been forced to face some truths about my own dear bundles. The primary is--what if they aren't the elect? What if they are not chosen and instead, have been made for "vessels of wrath" as talked about in Romans 9. You have only to read through this entire chapter in the bible to understand it is God, and God alone, who does the making and the choosing. He has pre-ordered their steps before the foundations of this world were created. It is something, no matter how hard I kick and scream against, that I can't change. God, as creator and owner of all, saw every possible path that each moment would bring them and sovereignly chose the specific path they will walk. If that doesn't blow the mind, I'm not sure what will. But the ache is still there.

So what do I do with this leftover aching and gnawing? By the grace of God, I have set my mind to use this time for His glory by these few focused activities. Listed in no particular order.

1) I try and take nothing for granted. Every moment, every circumstance, every action must be a training ground for teaching and admonishing in the fear of the Lord. It is one of the main reasons we chose homeschooling. There is but a small allotment of time to influence them for the kingdom of God before they depart from home and are out of our immediate care. (Genesis 2:24)


2) I give them the benefit of the doubt and continually tell them they are not saved. (How would you like to be my child right about now--eh?)I continually pray out loud in our devotional time and nighttime prayers for God to "save their souls." And I pray in my own private time too.

3) When they do/act/say something that is perceived as a fruit of the Spirit, I try and pick and choose my words carefully. I try not to give them a false sense of security that they are "good" or "kind" or "loving." I try and tell them that they have showed "goodness", "kindness" or "love" toward someone or something (depending on the favorite toy in hand).

4) I try to make a point to never tell them "I'm proud of you." This is such a foreign concept to the world. I want to watch and guard my words carefully so as not to bring a worldly attitude and thought of "self-esteem" into the mix. Those type of psychological terms and concepts are extremely hard to get rid of as they get older. The world wants them to be "proud of themselves" but I find nowhere in scripture where that is true. I try to change those words to, "I am so thankful to God for.... ", depending on the situation.

5) I take every opportunity, for as long as the Lord allows, for them to have devotional time, prayer time and church time. Equal participation, equal time.

6) I will ask their forgiveness for true sin and mistakes that are wrong. In return, I truly try and forgive and forget (which true forgiveness has to "choose to forget") when they are called to repentance.

7) I pray that my 3rd generation christian home will be saturated with discernment and a knowing heart of how easy it will be for my children to parade behind a mask of their parent's faith, verses genuine saving faith. Anyone who has heard my testimony knows that God saved me from the ultimate deceit--believing I was saved and going to heaven--when I wasn't. This slippery slope is one of the biggest mountains and obstacles you will ever face as christian parents trying to influence your children for Christ. It is a truly sad event when christian parents bury their head in the sand, convinced (and subsequently convincing) their children that they are saved, when they are, in fact, not. Genuine love for your children will open discerning eyes and ears that leave no room for assumption.

8) I guard what they watch and read....praying for the kind of X-ray vision that sees through worldly disguises and my own laziness at times.

9) Equally, I guard with whom they are friends--for now.

10) I pray that my character is changed and molded into a non-hypocritical model of what I am preaching to them.

11) I try and remind myself every day that I am raising my children to leave the home. That is the goal. They must be less dependent on me, to become more dependent on Christ. I don't want them to have my faith. I want them to have independent-of-me, saving faith. If I become the overbearing, overprotective, super control freak Mom that I would like to be--I will suffocate and choke the very life they must live to point them to their all-dependency need of Christ.

12) I pray for every opportunity to share the gospel with them. My final point. I realized that when sharing the gospel, even to the unsaved, non-elect, vessels of wrath (as may be my children) I am glorifying God every time I publicly speak the true gospel. It glorifies Him. It doesn't have to be in a conversion situation. Every time the true gospel is publicly shared (whether on deaf ears or hearing ears) it glorifies God. It does not matter my earthly audience...it only matters my obedience and desire to glorify Him.

As I mature and grow in Christ, the gnawing in my gut is replaced by a biblical peace and knowing that the always good, always loving God will deal righteously and justly with my bundles of depraved blessings. He will never compromise His holy character for them, I can rest assured. So I need only ask myself one lingering question--Who do I love more, my children or my God? If I love God more, then I will leave the "elect" question to Him and be wholly obedient to Him in the life of my children; endlessly searching for ways to glorify God while I still have them as a captive audience. I am learning to rest more peacefully at night knowing that the answer is better left to the One who holds their eternal state in His hands anyway. And that, right there, is glorifying to God.